Moms, Mean Pills, and Maids

mom and childThere comes a time in the life of every mom when we resort to survival tactics in our motherhood we never thought possible. In spite of our best intentions to maintain discipline and order, our children get the best of us, often by wearing us down. Can you have that giant chocolate candy bar strategically placed within arm’s reach in the store checkout line? No. Can you watch TV till 11 p.m. on a school night? No. Can you wear shorts in the middle of winter? No. Such attempts at model parenting are often followed by whining from the children. This prompted my invention of a few strategic survival tools every mother needs.

Mom Survival Tool #1: The Mean Pill. Why can’t you stay up all night? Because I took a Mean Pill today. Why can’t you wear shorts in the middle of winter? I took my Mean Pill today. Are you being particularly difficult? I may have taken two Mean Pills that day! This has a disarming effect on the children. Forgetting the original argument, they instead clamor, “No you didn’t take a mean pill!” – or – “There’s no such thing as that!” In a short time they have left the whining behind and are giggling about Mom’s Mean Pills.

Mom Survival Tool #2: The Maid. When a child wants to know why I did not dig out their favorite t-shirt from the bottom of their laundry basket and wash it for them on just that exact day, I tell them the maid forgot to come. Or if the gym shorts needed for school are still in the stinky gym bag from Tuesday, it is because the maid was on vacation. One day, when my children were particularly demanding, I hid in the laundry room, waiting for them to come looking for me. Soon they were pounding on the door and hollering, “Mom, come out!” My reply? I told them their mother had left and this was the maid. They insisted there was no maid, but I held my ground. Finally, after begging me to come out of the laundry room and agreeing not to treat me like a maid, we all enjoyed a good laugh and a lesson learned.

Now The Mean Pill and The Maid don’t work for every situation. But to all my fellow moms out there, if you need to borrow some mean pills or a maid, go for it. Give it a little dramatic flair and have fun watching your kids respond. Sometimes laughter truly is the best medicine. Happy Mother’s Day!


About pwmja5

freelance writer, wife, mom, gardener, cook, and friend
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